That was the best advice anyone ever gave me before living a ministry life and now I find myself saying it all the time.
Ministry Life demands a lot.
Mentally, Emotionally, Physically, and, of course, Spiritually.
If you aren’t careful, the ministry can easily zap it all, leaving nothing to give your most important relationships.
“Only 24% of pastors date their spouse weekly.”
What I have witnessed in Ministry Marriages, is that often both spouses consider themselves “called” to ministry. Often the supporting spouse sees their role is to help the full-time Minister be available to meet the many needs of the many people around them, and join the work whenever possible.
Like Priscilla and Aquila, these committed followers of Christ become power couples in Church and Ministry, making a big impact in their community through discipleship and service.
While that is a gloriously beautiful partnership molded in the hands of the Father to run the race together, it can, and does, easily drift off course when it is not prioritized. In my experience, it seems many supporting spouses intentionally do not request the full-time Minister invest more in the home or family. Because others within the ministry DO request the full-time Minister’s time and investment, both spouses end up feeling poured out, exhausted, and lonely.
It is important for both spouses to keep boundaries around your time and energy, so that most important Relationship doesn’t get neglected.
This means saying “no” sometimes.
How do you know when to say “no?” It all comes down to your boundaries. If you have boundaries, you do not say no to a person, you only direct the person toward your hours of operation.
Here are some ideas for boundaries:
phone curfew
ministry curfew
non-negotiable kids’ bedtime
set work hours
set family time hours
set date night
set Sabbath day
This can look like:
“I don’t answer calls or texts after 9pm.”
“My office hours are 8am-6pm. Is there a day and time that works for you then?”
“The kids are in bed by 8pm.”
“I don’t have my phone on me on Friday evenings, because I am with my spouse.”
“Saturdays we are unavailable (for Sabbath and family day). I’d be happy to talk with you on Sunday.”
If these boundaries are not set in your life, I encourage you to spend some time with your spouse prioritizing and making a plan to set them.
I can almost guarantee you will experience some push back. Hold firm! Your relationship is worth it!
The Challenge: BE THE 24%
Enjoy the LOVE and SUPPORT
God has created for you
in the GIFT of your spouse!
Barna, 7 Year Trends: Pastors Feel More Loneliness & Less Support
Barna, How Rest & Sabbath Can Strengthen Pastoral Well-Being